探寻(3)

To Jobs, this seemed preferable to talk therapy because it involved intuitive feeling and emotional action rather than just rational analyzing. " This was not something to think about, " he later said.

" This was something to do: to close your eyes, hold your breath, jump in, and come out the other end more insightful." A group of Janov's adherents ran a program called the Oregon Feeling Center in an old hotel in Eugene

that was managed by Jobs's Reed College guru Robert Friedland, whose All One Farm commune was nearby. In late 1974, Jobs signed up for a twelve-week course of therapy there costing $1,000.

" Steve and I were both into personal growth, so I wanted to go with him, " Kottke recounted, " but I couldn't afford it."

Jobs confided to close friends that he was driven by the pain he was feeling about being put up for adoption and not knowing about his birth parents. " Steve had a very profound desire to know his physical parents so he could better know himself, " Friedland later said.

He had learned from Paul and Clara Jobs that his birth parents had both been graduate students at a university and that his father might be Syrian. He had even thought about hiring a private investigator, but he decided not to do so for the time being.

" I didn't want to hurt my parents, " he recalled, referring to Paul and Clara. " He was struggling with the fact that he had been adopted, " according to Elizabeth Holmes.

" He felt that it was an issue that he needed to get hold of emotionally." Jobs admitted as much to her. " This is something that is bothering me, and I need to focus on it, " he said.

He was even more open with Greg Calhoun. " He was doing a lot of soul-searching about being adopted, and he talked about it with me a lot, " Calhoun recalled.

" The primal scream and the mucusless diets, he was trying to cleanse himself and get deeper into his frustration about his birth. He told me he was deeply angry about the fact that he had been given up."