-Welcome to the 2019 Golden Globe Awards.
-Yeah. [ Cheers and applause ]
We are gonna have some fun, give out some awards, and one lucky audience member. . . -will host the Oscars!
-Now, some of you may be wondering why the two of us are hosting together.
-And the reason is -- we're the only two people left in Hollywood who haven't gotten in trouble for saying something offensive.
-Oh, ooh. Sandra, that reminds me.
You know what race of people really gets under my skin?
-Uh, Andy -- -The Hollywood Half Marathon.
Because it messes up all the traffic, you know?
-Oh, yeah. I hate that race of people.
-It's the worst race of people.
Now, we know what you guys are thinking.
"Andy Samberg and Sandra Oh, the two nicest people in show biz?
This thing's gonna be a snooze".
-But not so fast, because you fools are all about to get roasted!
-Gervais style. -Mm-hmm.
-Hope you're wearing your flip-flops, Hollywood, 'cause we're about to scorch some earth.
-Damn right. Rip it, Andy. -All right.
Who we got? Who we got? Well, if it isn't Spike Lee.
Yeah. Mr."Do the Right Thing". [ Applause ]
Well, I'll tell you who does the right thing.
You as a director. Lifetime fan.
Can't wait to see what you do next.
Bam! Faced. -Brutal.
-Destroyed. All right, Sandra, hit 'em.
-Hey, Bradley Cooper. . . [ Cheers and applause ] . . . you are hot.
This is live on television. No take-backs.
All right, who else we got? -Um, Andy, that's weird.
Gina Rodriguez is here. -Uh-huh. Yeah.
Why is that weird, Sandra?
-'Cause last time I checked, she resided in heaven.
Sandra Oh? More like Sandra Oh Snap.
-Andy Samberg? More like Andy Slamsnerds.
-Ooh! I love that. What else? Who else?
-Oh, I got one.
Michael B. Jordan. -Uh-huh. Yeah.
More like Michael B. Buff A-F. You a snack, Michael.
-Your character's name in "Creed" is Adonis?
And it is apt. -[ Laughs ]
Oh, my God. Yes. Cut to him.
Cut to him crying off that. I want to get the meme.
-And we can't forget Amy Adams.
Nominated for multiple Globes tonight.
Hey, Amy, save some for the rest of us, you mega-talented piece of dog crap.
-Take your lumps. -Take your lumps, Amy.
-Yep. And then, of course, there's Jeff Bridges, right?
Mr.Cecil B. DeMille Award himself.
Hey, Jeff. . .
I wish you were my dad.
-And Bridges is canceled. -You're canceled, Dad. Buh-bye.
David Spade ref. David Spade ref. Lorne knows what I'm talking about.
-Well, that was fun. -It was fun.
-Should we head home? -No, no. There's a lot more.
"Black Panther" is nominated tonight for
Best Picture -- Drama.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-It is the third-highest-grossing movie of all time in the U. S. , which just goes to show people want more movies where the characters ride around in rhinoceroses like they're horses!
I have been saying this for years, Hollywood!
-Geez. ]Calm down, Sandra. -I will not.
-Then don't. -I won't.
It was another huge year for director Ryan Coogler, a fellow Bay Area native.
[ Cheers and applause ] Yep.
You know, if you told me, as a kid growing up in the Bay, there'd be a movie called "Black Panther" that starts off in Oakland, this is not what I would have imagined.
Ryan, were there, like, a bunch of old members of the actual Black Panther Party saying,
"I can't even get an audition"?
[ Chuckles ] Just kidding.
They were all framed and murdered for wanting justice and equality.
The world is and always has been a nightmare.
It just seems worse now because of our phones.
What else happened this year?
-"A Star is Born," starring
Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga is nominated for Best Motion Picture -- Drama.
-Yes. And their performances were incredible.
-And it just proves and I'm just coming up with this now -- that there can be 100 people in the room and 99 don't believe in you and you just need one to believe in you, and that was Bradley Cooper.
-Sandra, I couldn't agree with you more. I was just thinking, you know, totally off the cuff, there can be 100 people in the room and 99 don't believe in you and you just need one to believe in you, and that, quite frankly, was Bradley Cooper.
-So true. So true. -Yeah.
"Crazy Rich Asians" is nominated tonight for Best Picture -- Musical or Comedy.
It is the first studio film with an Asian-American lead since "Ghost in the Shell" and "Aloha".
-"Crazy Rich Asians" made over $200 million at the box office.
Said Asian moms everywhere. . .
Cut to my mom.
Someone should cut to my mom right now.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Yeah! [ Laughs ]
-Look at her face.
-I was gonna say, yeah, she didn't seem so impressed.
-So cheers to "Crazy Rich Asians".
You guys deserve a drink. -Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Before we start getting sloppy, I got to take care of my people so they don't get the Asian flush.
Garcon, a round of Pepcid AC right there.
-There. Wait a minute. Wait. What's the Asian flush?
-Don't worry. This joke's not for you.
But I will say, if we've got a bunch of antacid out, you might want to send some to "The Kominsky Method" table.
Just a hunch. Reflux City over there.
-"Vice" is the most-nominated film of the night.
[ Cheers and applause ] -Yeah.
-"Vice" is an intense drama about Dick Cheney.
-But it's actually up for Best Musical or Comedy because it erroneously invaded the wrong category based on false intelligence.
-"Bohemian Rhapsody" was a massive hit this year.
-Rami Malek wore Freddie Mercury's teeth throughout the entire film.
-Yeah. Can you imagine how hard that must have been?
I mean, first of all, you have to get the family's permission to exhume the body.
I don't even know where you would begin with that conversation.
-They weren't his teeth. -Oh, they weren't?
-No, they're fake. -Oh, really?
Well, I'm sure it was still hard.
-Claire Foy is nominated for her work in "First Man".
-"First Man" is also how studios look for directors.
"First. . . man.
If no man available, then pair of man.
Then team of man.
Then, eventually, maybe a woman"?
-Yeah. [ Laughs ]
Shockingly accurate. -Yep.
-There are some amazing television shows nominated tonight.
-"The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel" is nominated again for multiple awards.
It's the show that makes audiences sit up and say,
"Wait, is this anti-Semitic"?
Darren Criss of Ruth's Chris Steak House is here.
-Jim Carrey is nominated for his show, "Kidding".
Yeah. And -- Yeah.
And I got to say -- I knew Jim Carrey's paintings, but I had no idea he had done acting.
He was really good.
-Although, I am seeing that Jim Carrey's sitting up front tonight, in the movie section, even though he's nominated for a TV show.
-Ooh, yeah. That's not gonna work.
I'm so sorry, Jim, but we're gonna have to ask you to vacate the movie section and go sit with the TV folk.
-Are you -- You're kidding, right?
-No. But you're on "Kidding," and that's on TV, so. . .
-Yeah, it's awkward 'cause you're our hero, but we do have to ask you to move.
-You know, uh. . . I just finished a film.
It's called "Sonic the Hedgehog".
It comes out in November. -Oh.
Well, you know, come back next year.
I'm sure it will be nominated.
-All right, I'm going.
Should I take my dinner, too?
I wouldn't want to leave any of my DNA in the film section.
-Jim, please, don't make this any harder than it already is.
-Yeah. -Yeah. Yeah.
-I'm sorry! I can't hear you!
I see your lips moving, but there's a delay!
Takes a long time for the sound to get this far!
-Yeah. We appreciate it.
-Thank you. We appreciate it. -Thank you.
-Now, I know we're up here joking, but on a serious note, this year, we saw incredible work, like "Black Panther," "Crazy Rich Asians,"
"If Beale Street Could Talk," "Roma," "Pose,"
"BlacKkKlansman," and many more.
And they're not just here tonight because they resonated with audiences Hollywood often ignores.
They're here because they told stories that resonated with everyone, and that is truly a beautiful thing.
-Wow. Andy, can I just say. . . that you just read all of my lines off the teleprompter.
-What? ! No! Those were mine. Here, let me keep going.
When I was growing up in Canada, the daughter of Korean immigrants --
Okay, you know what? You were right.
That was totally your stuff. Oh, my God!
I just totally whitewashed your speech!
This is how it happens! -That's not how it happens.
-What an amazing learning experience for me.
-Okay, will you stop talking? -You got it.
-But if I could take a moment here -- in all honesty --
I said "yes" to the fear of being on this stage tonight because -- because I wanted to be here to look out into this audience and witness this moment of change.
And I'm not fooling myself.
I'm not fooling myself. Next year could be different.
It probably will be.
But, right now, this moment is real.
Trust me -- it is real, because I see you.
And I see you.
All of these faces of change.
And now so will everyone else. [ Cheers and applause ]