How To Handle Toxic People

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There's times when it feels like all the charisma in the world just won't stop one person from ruining your day.

Now, maybe this person is a complainer, maybe they are a whiner, or maybe there's someone who is verbally abusive to you but whatever it is, they have this toxic pattern of behavior and it's really starting to bring you down.

And that's why in this video, I want to talk about how to handle difficult toxic people in a way that is charismatic but before we get into the steps and there's four of those, I have to talk about a mindset that not a lot of people like because I get asked this question all the time — "There's a person in my workplace. What do we do about them? There's someone in my friend group" or maybe "I even have this family member..." The answer nine out of ten times is that you need to separate from that person because what's keeping you close to them is not something that ought to; sometimes it's a sense of guilt — "We've been friends for a long time. It would be wrong and disloyal of me to separate even though they're abusive towards me verbally." Or maybe it's a sense of, "I need everyone to like me and the fact that this one person is having an issue, that doesn't sit well with me so I need to work it out." Sometimes you work with them and you feel like, "This is the best job I could possibly get," and I will tell you, when I've talked to people and they have left, no one has ever regretted it; you would be shocked how much you can be dragged down by a negative person in the workplace.

So before we get into the steps to change this, just know in the back of your head that there may come a time when you do need to walk and sometimes it can even be with family but I'll talk about that; for now, the four steps.

The first thing and probably the most important one is that you need to approach this person in a way that is completely different from how you've ever approached them because chances are, you've tried to change this behavior in the past.

They come home from work, maybe it's your roommate, and they just unload.

They start complaining about their day, the sports team, the weather or whatever and you always try to kind of cheer them up.

The time to actually change that behavior is not right when they're complaining because if it was, it would have worked by now.

In this case, you might want to wait, let them unload, and then a few hours later say, "Hey, I've been kind of worried about you. Do you have a minute to talk?" That's gonna put them to, "Whoa, what's going on here?" and it's gonna open them up, break their pattern, and now you guys have a chance to speak.

If you guys just get into ityou guys start shouting and yellingin the middle of an argument, you might find that just getting really quiet and saying, "I really care about you and it's upsetting that we fight like this," that can shift the entire tone and where you've been trying to get your point across, all of a sudden, they're cracked wide open because it's a shift in pattern.

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