04 My Name

My Name

In English my name means hope.

In Spanish it means too many letters.

It means sadness, it means waiting.

It is like the number nine.

A muddy color.

It is the Mexican records my father plays on Sunday mornings when he is shaving, songs like sobbing.

It was my great-grandmother's name and now it is mine.

She was a horse woman too, born like me in the Chinese year of the horse—which is supposed to be bad luck if you're born female—but I think this is a Chinese lie because the Chinese, like the Mexicans, don't like their women strong.

My great-grandmother.