022 如何不再讨好他人 How to stop being a people pleaser

未能成功加载,请稍后再试
0/0

Being someone who pleases people sounds, on the face of it, like a very good idea.

But it is a pattern of behaviour riddled with problems, as much for the perpetrator as for their audience.

The people-pleaser is someone (who might at times be oneself) who feels they have no option but to mould themselves to the expectations of others.

And yet, harbours all manner of secret and at points dangerous reservations and resentments.

They act like the perfect lover when their real feelings are much darker.

They give their assent to plans they hate, and they confuse everyone around them by failing to express in due time, with the requisite courage, their authentic needs and ambitions.

Putting it bluntly, we could say that the people pleaser is a liar.

It sounds brutal, but the people-pleaser is lying for poignant reasons: not in order to gain advantage, but because they are terrified of the displeasure of others.

To understandand potentially sympathise withthe people-pleaser, we need to look at their past which almost invariably involves an early experience of being around peopleusually a mother or a fatherwho seemed to be radically and terrifyingly incapable of accepting and forgiving certain necessary but perhaps tricky facts about their child.

Perhaps our father flew into volcanic rage at any sign of disagreement.

下载全新《每日英语听力》客户端,查看完整内容