Part 2

Two years and 11 days ago, I lost my husband, Dave, suddenly and unexpectedly. Sometimes I still have a hard time saying the words because I can't quite believe it actually happened. I woke up on what I thought would be a totally normal day. And my world just changed forever.

I know, important day — it's raining, and I'm up here talking about death. But I promise you there's a reason – and even one that's not even sad.

Because what I've learned since losing Dave has fundamentally changed how I view this world and how I live in it. And I want to share it with you, on this day because I think it's going to help you lead happier, healthier, and more joyful lives. And you deserve all of that.

Each of you walked a very unique path to reach this day. Some of you faced real trauma. All of you faced challenges. Disappointment, heartache, loss, illness – all of these are so personal when they strike – but they are also so universal.

And then there are the shared losses. The Virginia Tech community knows this. You've stopped for a quiet moment by the 32 Hokie stones on the Drillfield, as I did with President Sands just this morning. You've joined your friends for the "Run in Remembrance." You know that life can turn in an instant. And you know what it means to come together, to pull together, to grieve together, but, ultimately, to overcome together.

After Dave died, I did something I've done at other hard times in my life: I hit the books. With my friend Adam Grant, a psychologist who studies how we find meaning in our lives, I dove into the research on resilience and recovery.

The most important thing I learned is that we are not born with a certain amount of resilience. It is a muscle, and that means we can build it.

We build resilience into ourselves. We build resilience into the people we love. And we build it together, as a community. That's called "collective resilience." It's an incredibly powerful force – and it's one that our country and our world need a lot more of right about now. It is in our relationships with each other that we find our will to live, our capacity to love, and our ability to bring change into this world.