It can be easy to feel, as we look back on our lives, that we have been singularly inept in our choices and behaviors.
Why did we wait so long here?
Why didn't we see what they were doing there?
Why didn't we speak up sooner or hold our nerve?
In such self-recriminatory moods, it can be more than merely sentimental to remind ourselves of a fundamental fact about relationships that we miss when we despair of our conduct.
They sit in an area of exceptional importance in which we are granted surprisingly few chances to practice before having to make vastly consequential decisions.
Imagine if we were asked to become great violinists and were given all of six lessons to perfect our craft, or if we were expected to master the javelin after four perfunctory throws.
We'd know the odds were stacked against us.
We'd have compassion for our often miserable performances.
We'd understand what we were up against.
